12 Relationship Lessons from Cheaper by the Dozen

Our number is four. My parent’s number is six. These days, large numbers by most anyone's standards. But nothing like the kid I knew in middle school who introduced himself as 1 of 12. I Can Only Imagine. And no, I’m not talking about MercyMe's hit song, titled with the same four words as the accompanying movie. With a number like a dozen, it’s more like, “please, have mercy…”

I’m talking about kids…as in, having them. One family. One roof. Twelve young mouths to feed. In all fairness, Tom and Kate Baker’s number was supposed to be 8. But a fun night with a little too much FUN, plus a vasectomy delay…and BAM, just like that, the Baker’s number is 12.

During a recent watching of the 2003 Cheaper by the Dozen remake, the family film starring the Baker clan, it was evident that having a dozen offspring wasn’t the only takeaway involving their number. I was impressed by Tom and Kate’s marriage, and with that, I bring you…not one, not two, but a dozen Cheaper by the Dozen lessons fit for any romantic relationship…

Decisions, decisions, decisions. They are a part of life. Some require much planning, while others we do without thinking. Some are small in impact and scale. And as for others, the outcome of such choices may affect multiple generations to come. The Baker parents showed us, that when it comes to those larger-than-life decisions, being a united front is the only way to go. I’d say being in sync (no, not talking about my wife’s favorite boy band) with your number of desired offspring is on par with the decision of what movie to watch on a Friday night (I kid, kind of). They both wanted 8; though they got more than they bargained for, I believe their united front was the backbone of their successful marriage. Tom and Kate’s united front was never more apparent, however, then when tasked with the monumental decision of moving. Despite being vastly outnumbered by their kids with a meaningless vote, they held firm that moving was best for the family. Well done!

I enjoy checking out my wife. Likewise, I hope when walking away from her, she still enjoys the view of my backside. Even after 12 kids, Tom exclaims in the film’s early moments, “we still got the heat.” After Kate admits to checking him out, Tom responds with his best attempt at a celebratory booty shake. Following their example, I hope my wife and I never stop checking each other out. As a self-proclaimed fan of physically touching my wife, those lessons continue with the Baker’s Dozen. Their life is crazy hectic, especially during their morning routine…yet, they found subtle ways to enjoy the touch of their spouse. Something as simple as hand holding, a brief hug, or a peck on the lips can do wonders for staying connected through our hectic lives, no matter what your number is. Since we’re on the touchin’ topic, I’ll add that PDA in front of the kids is a good thing. In one such moment, “can you leave the room,” is asked by one of the Baker’s youngsters. A fair question, one which my wife and I have also heard. But you know what, I hope to hear it some more. For the record, I’m not talking about a full on makeout session (though we do have one who likes watching us kiss. I can’t explain it).

I’m a firm believer that life is meant to be enjoyed. Part of that is finding hobbies, passions, dreams, and goals…things that bring you joy. And then going after what you want. Tom is a high school football coach who receives the job offer he’s always wanted, to coach at the collegiate level at his alma mater. In the end, it didn’t work out the way he envisioned, but he went after it. That’s all any of us can really do. Kate, on the other hand, is pursuing her dream of being a published author. Regardless of what your partner’s goals are, Tom and Kate exemplified the importance of being your partner’s #1 fan. Kate supported Tom, though it uprooted her family, as he pursued his dream coaching job. Likewise, he supported her, though it left him to handle their chaotic home front as a single parent while she was away promoting her book. Speaking of that, it’s okay to ask for help. That help comes in the form of Nora, the eldest Baker kid and only one not living at home. She comes to her dad’s rescue when he’s clearly overmatched as a temporary single parent. Looking at this through a romantic or marital lens, for some, it may need to come through professional counseling or therapy. Or it may come in a variety of other ways. But whatever the case, it takes a big person to admit they need help and then go get it.

Let’s talk about Nora’s live-in boyfriend, Hank, who is quite the character played by the one and only Ashton Kutcher. Nora must see something in the self-absorbed actor wannabe, though she’s clearly the only Baker who does. Leave it to a handful of the younger Baker children to prank him by way of soaking his underwear in meat. Seriously…you read that right! Before long, the joke is up, and let the disciplining begin. For those of us who find ourselves in a similar situation to Tom, in finding our kids mischief to be rather humorous, he shows us that disciplining and laughing don’t mix. After all, the meat-soaking-briefs prank is quite genius when the family dog lunges for Hank’s crotch, but lets just be sure our laughter occurs out of earshot from our precious troublemakers.

Eventually, Kate realizes she has no choice but to cut her extended book tour short. She returns home with a change of plans to be a guest on the Oprah show in their own home. When things don’t go as planned, feelings are hurt, and words are said. Most notably when Kate says to Tom, “feel free to sleep on the couch.” I sure hope they chose to invest in a comfortable couch for those moments when the disagreement is best resolved tomorrow. That’s ok. Life’s not perfect, and neither are relationships. Despite that truth, perhaps the biggest lesson from Tom and Kate Baker was to do the best you can. Towards the movie’s finale, Tom realizes he may have lost sight of what was most important, as he decides his dream job wasn’t going to last. Therefore, prioritize our relationships.

                For those keeping track, I’m down to one final lesson, solidified when I watched Tom speak at the funeral of his son’s frog: It’s ok I Don’t Have Any Pets. Our number of kids is 4. Our number of pets is 0. I’m good with that.

Until next time, keep dating.

Brent